Well I have reached an important mile-stone, this is my second post! I think it proper to celebrate! WOOHOOO! Ok, that was lame, NEXT!
I think I will post a funny joke.
Cody: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Chester: "Why"
Cody: "To get to the other side!"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! OH what a SIDE-SPLITTER that one was!
Shall we countinue? *crowd yells "YES!"*
Ok then, heres a good one.
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed accordingto your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying aGucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary,the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.We will be glad to allow you to work through yourlunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks: Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense,your picture will be posted on the company bulletin boardunder the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under thecompany's mental health policy.
Lunch Break: * Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need toeat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get abalanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that'sall the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are hereto provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,accusations, contemplations, consternation and inputshould be directed elsewhere.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are hereto provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,accusations, contemplations, consternation and inputshould be directed elsewhere.
The Management
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